A close reading of the new Man of Steel (Or, as I call it, Superman) Trailer.
Intro: Serious, somber music. Those of you hoping for a fun superhero movie, keep waiting.
:18 seconds
Some guy is floating kind of like Jesus, or Tom Hanks in Castaway.
:22
Whiny kid with agorophobia cries to mom for help. Mom enables his fear.
:25
Pencil bouquet. A blackboard. I'm getting flashbacks to college calculus. Will this movie assign me homework?
:40
Waves on rocks. Nothing says Superman more than waves on rocks.
:45
Guy looks guilty for saving a school bus from a lake. Wait, what?
More ominous black-screen transitions.
:50
Dad gives Clark a hard time for saving a school bus full of kids. Dad is not an enabler.
:59
Bearded guy with a faraway look in his eyes. Sort of a macho Bon Iver.
1:12
S stamp available at fine stamp stores everywhere.
1:19
A cape sighting on an ice flow. Music continues to be somber and joyless. I remember when superhero movies used to be fun. Like last summer.
Superman punches a mountain, flies really fast.
Dad is still preachy. Mom's advice to "Make things small" apparently meant nothing, as Superman is now in space.
1:50
Montage! Generic flames, a villain-like person. Maybe it's dad, come to teach Clark a lesson for saving that school bus full of kids. People running from explosions like every movie ever made.
Superman in handcuffs. Stop me before I save more lives!
Macho Bon Iver lifts something heavy.
2:00
Christopher Nolan's name solemnly invoked. So that's where the fun went...
2:30
Overstylized S, as if it were simple people would wonder where all the money went.
Fade to black.
No, seriously, this could be a good movie. Really, it could. It just looks a little serious. If I want serious, I'll go see Lincoln. So, I'm waiting with fingers crossed.
