Welp, they said it shouldn't be done, and with good reason, but here it is: A summation of the Volsung Saga/Ring Cycle/Prose Edda, now in limerick form.
Loki and Honir and Odin
past a deep stream were a-wand'rin.
When they spotted an otter,
Loki knew he ought not-ter
But with a big rock its brain knocked in.
Hriedmarr was a wise old magician
With sons who could change their condition
He explained to the three
That the otter was he
Who was once Hreidmarr’s son, salmon fishin'.
When Hreidmarr demanded a penalty
For the son Loki'd murdered ungentily
Honir said how about,
We pay wergild amount
And Hreidmarr said sure, but cash only
They sent Loki to go snatch the gold,
From the stash of Andvari the troll
Who as a pike went a'swimmin,
To guard treasure well hidden
Under water, in a pool deep and cold
Loki borrowed a net from some elf
And hauled that pike up and said Welp,
Give me your treasure
And that ring for good measure
Said Andvari, It’s cursed, fuck yourself!
Meanwhile, they skinned Hreidmarr’s son
So they could stuff him with gold Loki won
They filled it and then
Piled the gold round his skin
Till the snout was without doubt covered upon
Fafnir and Reginn caused troubles,
Demanding their share of pop’s baubles
With their riches denied
It seemed patricide
Was the answer to family squabbles
Then Fafnir sent Reginn to exile
And put all the gold in a big pile
He changed to a dragon
To guard his big swag on
The chance that the curse would compile
Many a year passed as thusly,
With the dragon bloodthirsty and lusty
He would not behave
TIll Sigurd the brave
Murdered the serpent most justly
When Brynhild, a valkryie most famous
destroyed Odin’s trust in his war dames
He pricked her with poison
And to not let the boys in,
Surrounded the palace with flames
A most chivalrous gent was Sigurd
Who could pass unscathed through the fire
He woke Brynhild from slumber
Then made a blunder,
By leaving cursed ring on her finger
Sigurd rode on to King Gjuke,
Whose wife Grimhild wiped Sigurd’s thinker
He took Gudrun to altar,
But his bromance with Gunnar
Was what turned Sigurd’s life to a clunker
Gunnar was besotted with Brynhild
Though the flames could never be crossed
None but Sigurd could do it,
So as Gunnar he wooed
The valkryie who’d loved him as Sigurd
The star-crossed lovers lived funkily
Till Gudrun told Brynhild most sulkily
That Sigurd had won her
And pawned her to Gunnar
Which pissed off the murderous Valkyrie
Brynhild plotted to kill her once-lover,
With her husband’s dim-witted brother
Mayhem ensued
And Sigurd was skewered
Leaving Brynhild to mourn and self-murder
The Ring’s curse continued its rampage
With serpents and murders and carnage
When the families were banished
The ring finally vanished
In river, or mud, down to our age.
Geek notes:
I used to think of this as the Ring cycle, but it's not that; I also thought it was the Volsung saga, but if it is, it's only bits and pieces of that. To be honest, this is some kind of a mash-up of those, and some other Germanic/Nordic myths found in the Elder Edda and the Prose Edda, which are Icelandic. My source is pretty directly from Chapter 10 of Roger Lancelyn Green's Myths of the Norsemen, and I'm not sure where he got all the stuff from.
